(11) “The Colonel and the Lady”

Original Airdate:  (November 23, 1957)

Directed by Andrew V. McLaglen, Written by Michael Fessier.

ROBERT F. SIMON as Colonel H. P. Lathrop
JUNE VINCENT as Martha Lathrop
DENVER PYLE as Clay Sommers
FAYE MICHAEL NUELL as Tuolumne O’Toole
ROBERT STEVENSON as Steve
JESS KIRKPATRICK as Harry – Bartender
MERCEDES SHIRLEY as Mazie – Saloon Girl
PEGGY REA as Lulu – Laundress
WOODY CHAMBLISS as Carl – Hotel Lodestar Desk Clerk
CAP SOMERS as Barfly (uncredited)

ROBERT F. SIMON also appeared in: (One, Two, Three, 1962) as Samuel Keel, (The Trial, 1960) as Morgan Gibbs, (Young Gun, 1958) as Frank Wellman. JUNE VINCENT also appeared in: (Broken Image, 1961) as Jeanie Decker, (Everyman, 1961) as Mme. Destin, (Black Sheep, 1960) as Mrs. Duvoisin / Mrs. McNabb, (Strange Vendetta, 1957) as Maria Rojas. DENVER PYLE also appeared in: (The Puppeteer, 1960) as Croft, (The Calf, 1960) as George Advent, (Ransom, 1960) as Col. Celine, (The Posse, 1959) as McKay, (The Wager, 1959) as Sid Morgan, (The Singer, 1958) as Pete Hollister. ROBERT STEVENSON also appeared in: (Sweet Lady of the Moon, 1963) as Sheriff, (Be Not Forgetful of Strangers, 1962) as Jake, (A Miracle for St. Francis, 1962) as Lundeen, (Pandora’s Box, 1962) as Woody – Hannah’s Husband, (Squatter’s Rights, 1961) as Clemenceau, (The Gold Bar, 1961) as Patrolman, (The Last Judgment, 1961) as Cutler, (The Night the Town Died, 1960) as Sheriff Howard. PEGGY REA also appeared in: (American Primitive, 1963) as Maggie, (Bob Wire, 1963) as Maggie McGuire, (The Hanging of Aaron Gibbs, 1961) as Widow, (The Education of Sara Jane, 1961) as Hotel Carlton Charlady, (Out at the Old Ball Park, 1960) as Peggy, (The Search, 1960) as Jean Mosely, (Maggie O’Bannion, 1959) as Cookie the Cook. WOODY CHAMBLISS also appeared in: (Blind Circle, 1961) as McCormack.

“I came here to find out what happened to her Now, you make up your mind to it..You tell me about that lady”

A colonel hires Paladin to go to a Nevada mining town to track down a saloon girl.

INT. CARLTON HOTEL – SAN FRANCISCO -DAY

PALADIN (reading to himself)
“Man with investigative ability, tact, perseverance and proven physical courage for possible hazardous mission. Must be man of taste and discernment, a West Point graduate and a former Army officer. Communicate Colonel H.P. Lathrop, River Acres, Sacramento, California.”

TUOLUMNE O’TOOLE
Come in, sir.

PALADIN
Thank you.

TUOLUMNE O’TOOLE
Your name, sir?

PALADIN
My name is Paladin. What’s yours?

TUOLUMNE O’TOOLE
Tuolumne. Tuolumne O’Toole.

PALADIN
Tuolumne?

TUOLUMNE O’TOOLE
You think it’s a funny name?

PALADIN
No. I think it’s a charming name. It’s Cherokee, isn’t it?

TUOLUMNE O’TOOLE
On my mother’s side. My father was a railroad worker from Ireland.

PALADIN
Oh?

TUOLUMNE O’TOOLE
If you’ll step into the drawing room, I’ll tell the colonel you’re here, sir.

PALADIN
Thank you.

COLONEL H.P. LATHROP
Ah, Mr. Paladin.

PALADIN
Colonel Lathrop, happy to see you.

COLONEL H.P. LATHROP
Nice to see you.

PALADIN
I see you’re harboring my old friend Petronius Arbiter here.

COLONEL H.P. LATHROP
Yes. Yes, the old scoundrel painted quite a picture of his time, didn’t he? Naturally, I’ve forbidden my wife to read a line of his.

PALADIN
Oh?

COLONEL H.P. LATHROP
Sit down, won’t you?

PALADIN
Thank you.

COLONEL H.P. LATHROP
Yes, I’ve been many years recuperating since the war. Books have been my refuge. Your pursuits have been far more interesting.

PALADIN
Colonel, you seem to know a great deal about me.

COLONEL H.P. LATHROP
Well, only by hearsay. That’s why I was forced to use a blind advertisement in order to reach you.

PALADIN
And now that I’m here, what can I do for you?

COLONEL H.P. LATHROP
Oh, Martha, my dear, do you have a moment? I’d like you to meet Mr. Paladin.Mrs. Lathrop.

MARTHA LATHROP
How do you do, Mr. Paladin?

PALADIN
Mrs. Lathrop.

MARTHA LATHROP
Would you excuse me, please? Little Pablo is very ill, and I must hurry.
Excuse me.

COLONEL H.P. LATHROP
The eternal nurse. My wife’s always ministering to the sick, or the lame, or the lazy.

PALADIN
Colonel, what is it you wish of me?

COLONEL H.P. LATHROP
I noticed that you were admiring that portrait, sir.

PALADIN
Oh, was I?

COLONEL H.P. LATHROP
That’s Jonathan Lathrop. He was an aide-de-camp of General George Washington’s.

PALADIN
Well, the military seems to run in your family.

COLONEL H.P. LATHROP
Yes. All the mares of my family have been in the military, or lawmakers, or leaders in
other fields. If pride of family be a sin, then I plead guilty, sir. I am proud of my ancestors.

PALADIN
Well, I’m certain you have every reason to be proud, Colonel.
Now, as to your business with me?

COLONEL H.P. LATHROP
Well, why don’t we let that wait until after you’ve refreshed yourself. Your bag’s in your room. There’s a hot bath waiting. And we dine at 8:00. Tuolumne, will you show Mister Paladin to his room?

PALADIN
Thank you.

MARTHA LATHROP
Sugar, Mr. Paladin?

PALADIN
No, thank you.

COLONEL H.P. LATHROP
As my wife mentioned, Mr. Paladin, I’ve spoken of you often, but I’m not sure that she’ll approve my reasons for asking you here.

PALADIN
Colonel, why am I here?

COLONEL H.P. LATHROP
I want you to locate a woman for me, Mr. Paladin. Thank you. Her name is Gloria Morgan. Do you know anything about her?

PALADIN
I’ve heard the name.

COLONEL H.P. LATHROP
Then you’ve also heard of Lodestar, Nevada.

PALADIN
Yes.
It’s just a sleepy little cattle town now, my dear, but during the silver boom, it was a roaring mining camp.

MARTHA LATHROP
Was it?

COLONEL H.P. LATHROP
Gloria Morgan was reigning queen of the Tenderloin District there, till the boom burst, and then she disappeared.

PALADIN
And your interest in her, Colonel?

COLONEL H.P. LATHROP
Well, she’s a missing chapter in a history that I’m writing about the West.

MARTHA LATHROP
My heavens, was she that important, my dear?

COLONEL H.P. LATHROP
Women of that sort were an essential part of Western history. Isn’t that so, Mr. Paladin?

PALADIN
Well, I suppose every boom town had its Gloria Morgan as a sort of symbol of its success.

COLONEL H.P. LATHROP
No, as I understand it, she was a great deal more than that. Gloria Morgan was the high priestess of a cult made drunk by wine and sudden wealth. She was beautiful and mysterious, exotic, exciting, sort of a living flame. She…Must sound foolish to you. I seem to have been carried away with a vision of some woman that I’ve never even seen. And that, Mr. Paladin, is why you are here. Will you excuse us, my dear?

MARTHA LATHROP
Certainly.

PALADIN
Colonel, these clippings are very interesting. A pity there’s no picture.

COLONEL H.P. LATHROP
Yes, isn’t it? I’ll pay your fee upon delivery of the information.

PALADIN
Until I know what’s involved, I can’t name a fee.

COLONEL H.P. LATHROP
Well, I know that a gun battle was fought for her favors. I want to know more about that. I want to know if she’s still alive. If so, what she’s called. And especially, I want to know where she is now.

PALADIN
Colonel, why don’t you do this
yourself?

COLONEL H.P. LATHROP
I regret that I’m not physically able to, sir. My advertisement mentioned a hazard. You’re the second man that I’ve sent up there. The first one never returned.

PALADIN
In that case, my fee will be $2,000.

PALADIN
Well…Tuolumne O’Toole. This is indeed a pleasure.

TUOLUMNE O’TOOLE
I didn’t come here to give you pleasure.

PALADIN
No?

TUOLUMNE O’TOOLE
I came here to warn you. Don’t go to Lodestar.

PALADIN
Oh, why not?

TUOLUMNE O’TOOLE
The country is full of bandits and wild Indians and grizzly bears.

PALADIN
How about cougars?

TUOLUMNE O’TOOLE
Them, too, yes.

PALADIN
You’re beautiful, Tuolumne, and you’re such a bad liar.

TUOLUMNE O’TOOLE
I didn’t think I could scare you.

PALADIN
Why did you try?

TUOLUMNE O’TOOLE
That man isn’t what he seems to be. He likes to hurt people. He’s a… a monster and a torturer.

PALADIN
The Colonel?

TUOLUMNE O’TOOLE
Well, you noticed that he didn’t mention the name of Gloria Morgan till his wife was there to hear him, didn’t you?

PALADIN
Yes, I noticed.

TUOLUMNE O’TOOLE
The colonel’s been using that name to torture Mrs. Lathrop.

PALADIN
Now, why would the colonel want to do that?

TUOLUMNE O’TOOLE
I think Gloria Morgan was his sweetheart. I think he wants to bring her here.

PALADIN
The colonel says he never laid eyes on her.

TUOLUMNE O’TOOLE
I’m sure he lies.

PALADIN
Well, that’s hardly my business. I’m being paid to locate Gloria Morgan.

TUOLUMNE O’TOOLE
If you do, if you come back here, I’ll kill you. Now, you better believe me.

PALADIN
Well, I believe you’d try.

TUOLUMNE O’TOOLE
Oh!

PALADIN
Good night, Tuolumne.

EXT. LOADSTAR, NEVADA – DAY

CARL – DESK CLERK
Yes, sir.

PALADIN
A room, please?

CARL – DESK CLERK
Well, uh, that’s something we got plenty of around here, mister. You’re staying with us long, uh, Mr. Paladin?

PALADIN
Well, not too long, I hope. I’m trying to locate an old friend of mine.

CARL – DESK CLERK
Can I help you? I know most everybody hereabouts.

PALADIN
Well, it’s possible. This is a woman of some repute. Gloria Morgan.

CARL – DESK CLERK
Gl…

STEVE
You made a mistake, Carl. You don’t have an empty room.

CARL – DESK CLERK
Steve’s right. I forgot. There’s a bunch of mining men coming down from San Francisco. They got everything booked.

STEVE
That’s the way it is, mister.

PALADIN
I’m partial to combinations of three. I’ll take Room 33. Where is it?

CARL – DESK CLERK
It’s at the top of the stairs, sir.

PALADIN
Thanks.

STEVE
Tell Clay.

CARL – DESK CLERK
Right.

INT. SALOON – DAY

PALADIN
Bartender, I’d like a bottle of…

HARRY – BARTENDER
I’m out of it.

PALADIN
Well, I haven’t named it yet.

HARRY – BARTENDER
Whatever it is you want, we ain’t got it here.

PALADIN
Oh? She must’ve been quite a lady.

HARRY – BARTENDER
What lady?

PALADIN
Did I say lady?

HARRY – BARTENDER
Yeah.

PALADIN
Well, that was a slip of the tongue. I’m not sure she was a lady, judging by the things I hear about her.

HARRY – BARTENDER
Well, mister, nobody ain’t ever going to hear of you, if you don’t clear out.

PALADIN
Do you mind?

MAZIE – SALOON GIRL
Not at all.

PALADIN
I wonder if you’d mind
sharing this with me.

MAZIE – SALOON GIRL
Why, I’ve often wondered what whiskey tastes like. You ain’t going to get any information out of me, mister. But I can tell you this: She was a first-class can of tomatoes.

PALADIN
Was she, now.

MAZIE – SALOON GIRL
Of course, good looks and in… in mobility- she couldn’t hold a candle to me.

PALADIN
You don’t say.

MAZIE – SALOON GIRL
Oh, I do. Why, I could out-drink her any day of the week. And when it came to trapping a loose dollar, I could take…

PALADIN
I wonder whatever happened to her.

MAZIE – SALOON GIRL
Clay could tell you. He’s the fella that owns this place, but he won’t. I bet Lulu knows.

PALADIN
Lulu?

MAZIE – SALOON GIRL
Her best buddy. They used to work here together. Poor Lulu. She got fat. All she’s good for now is taking in laundry.

CLAY SOMMERS
Mazie…You better go home, Mazie. Or tomorrow you could be taking in washing.

MAZIE – SALOON GIRL
I’m sorry, Mr. Sommers.

CLAY SOMMERS
Get out.

PALADIN
Don’t be too hard on her, Mr. Sommers. It was all my fault.

CLAY SOMMERS
You get out, too.

PALADIN
Gladly.

CLAY SOMMERS
Out of town!

PALADIN
After we’ve had a talk.

CLAY SOMMERS
Harry!

PALADIN
In your office, Mr. Sommers.

CLAY SOMMERS
Harry!

PALADIN
Now can we have that talk, Mr. Sommers?

CLAY SOMMERS
Not now or ever.

EXT. WASH WOMAN

PALADIN
How are you, ma’am?

LULU – LAUNDRESS
How’s yourself?

PALADIN
I’m fine. My spare shirt shows the trail; I was told Lulu would clean it.

LULU – LAUNDRESS
Lulu will. That’ll be a dollar, in advance.

PALADIN
You know, I have a great deal of admiration for women of your profession.

LULU – LAUNDRESS
Laundress?!

PALADIN
Yeah – I find women of your profession all over the West. Independent, honest. You find a bucket, some water, and soap, and you’re in business.

LULU – LAUNDRESS
Well, what’s a girl to do when she isn’t a girl no more? The figure goes but the shoulders stay.

PALADIN
It’s an honorable profession, and certainly a necessary one. I can think of some others we could do without.

LULU – LAUNDRESS
Don’t credit me too much, dearie. I’ve done my time in the saloons.

PALADIN
You?!

LULU – LAUNDRESS
Well, I didn’t always look like this, you know.

PALADIN
Wait a minute, Lulu. I think you look fine. Did you work the saloons here in Lodestar?

LULU – LAUNDRESS
You bet.

PALADIN
Well, then, you must’ve known, um…what’s-her-name- the one they all talked about, um…

LULU – LAUNDRESS
Gloria?

PALADIN
That’s it-Gloria Morgan. Say, she really gathered in the honey around here. Or so they tell it on the trail.

LULU – LAUNDRESS
Oh, they do, huh?

PALADIN
Mm-hmm.

LULU – LAUNDRESS
A saint, mister-right out of the Book. That’s Gloria Morgan.

PALADIN
Well, now that I didn’t hear.

LULU – LAUNDRESS
Well, I’ll bet. Did the boys tell you about that black winter we had when everybody around here was dying like flies and…Now, why did you start talking about Gloria Morgan?

PALADIN
I didn’t. You did.

LULU – LAUNDRESS
Did I?

PALADIN
Mm-hmm.

LULU – LAUNDRESS
I don’t do that often these days.

PALADIN
Well, that looks fine. I don’t think the creases will ever come…

CLAY SOMMERS
Freeze, Paladin!

LULU – LAUNDRESS
I should’ve known.

STEVE
We’ll get rid of him, Lulu.

PALADIN
It seems to me you people are going to a lot of trouble just to keep me from asking a few innocent questions.

CLAY SOMMERS
Come on.

LULU – LAUNDRESS
Hey, mister! Your shirt! Next time somebody puts a bullet through it, I hope you’re wearing it.

STEVE
Ride, Paladin. Keep going. Don’t come back.

PALADIN
I’d like my gun.

CLAY SOMMERS
We’ll keep that.

PALADIN
I’ll have to come back for it, if for nothing else.

CLAY SOMMERS
You do, and I promise you’ll be shot. Head on, from the side, in the back, nobody’s going to make a fair fight out of it. We see you, we shoot. Now get.

EXT. TOWN – EVENING

INT. SALOON

PALADIN
This is an excellent gun, Mr. Sommers. I just couldn’t leave it behind. Oh, that’s a beautiful woman. You must’ve been very fond of Gloria Morgan. How does she rate all this loyalty? Why will men here, and women, too, kill for her? I was told that Gloria Morgan was filth. That she was an abomination who preyed on the weaknesses of lonely men…

CLAY SOMMERS
You’re a liar.

PALADIN
That she was a liar, a cheat, a thief…

CLAY SOMMERS
You’re lying! You’re a liar!

PALADIN
Am I? Then what is the truth, Mr. Sommers? I don’t want to hurt her. I don’t. Do you want me to tell people she was a saint?

CLAY SOMMERS
Nonsense. Have you ever known a woman that was?

PALADIN
No, I haven’t. Part saint, part devil, a great deal of turtledove and a whole lot of cat.

CLAY SOMMERS
That’s Gloria.

PALADIN
I understand a gun battle was fought for her favors.

CLAY SOMMERS
Not for her favors, sir, for her hand, in marriage.

PALADIN
I beg your pardon.

CLAY SOMMERS
I suppose…the other fellow had as much right to court her as I did, but… If you hadn’t noticed, I walk with a limp. It was a good fight and a fair fight, and when it was over, we were both near dead.

PALADIN
And Gloria Morgan?

CLAY SOMMERS
She waited until we’d both recovered our health…then… told us she…didn’t love either one of us and…went away.

INT. SALOON

PALADIN
I believe Clay sent word I was coming.

STEVE
Yeah, he did.

PALADIN
And you know what Clay wants you to do.

STEVE
Clay and I have disagreed before.

PALADIN
He faced your gun at some time.

STEVE
Got a couple of souvenirs in his carcass from it someplace.

PALADIN
You were the other man.

STEVE
That’s right. Gloria Morgan. She was one of the finest women I… I ever met.

EXT. BACK AT THE COLONEL’S HOUSE

TUOLUMNE O’TOOLE
You found out about that woman?

PALADIN
I did.

TUOLUMNE O’TOOLE
Are you going to tell?

PALADIN
I am. Tuolumne, I don’t think Gloria Morgan will hurt your mistress.

TUOLUMNE O’TOOLE
You better not be lying.

COLONEL H.P. LATHROP
How do you do, Mr. Paladin?

PALADIN
Colonel.

COLONEL H.P. LATHROP
Come in.

PALADIN
Thank you. Mrs. Lathrop, how’s your patient?

MARTHA LATHROP
Oh, Pablo’s very well, thank you. Won’t you sit down?

PALADIN
Thank you.

COLONEL H.P. LATHROP
Did you find Gloria Morgan?

PALADIN
Colonel, I found out a great deal about her.

COLONEL H.P. LATHROP
And where is she now?

PALADIN
Well, sir, I think perhaps it’s more important to know who she was, rather than where she is now.

COLONEL H.P. LATHROP
I know who she was.

PALADIN
I doubt it. I talked to a great many people. Actually, Colonel, Gloria Morgan was a young girl abandoned in a mining camp by a man who brought her there under false pretenses of marriage. She had no friends, no one to turn to, so she did the best she could. She sang and danced in the saloons. And she shared in the money men paid for the pleasure of drinking in her company.

COLONEL H.P. LATHROP
Is this distressing you, my dear?

MARTHA LATHROP
No, no. Go on, Mr. Paladin.

PALADIN
Some of the people I talked to, Colonel, think she was as saint.

COLONEL H.P. LATHROP
A saint?!

PALADIN
Yes, sir. There was a cholera epidemic in Lodestar. No doctors, no nurses. Gloria Morgan nursed the sick. Nursed them, bathed them and fed them.

COLONEL H.P. LATHROP
Well, sir?

PALADIN
I’m trying to crystallize in my mind the impression I’ve gotten of Gloria Morgan in the last few days.

COLONEL H.P. LATHROP
And that impression is?

PALADIN
That she was a remarkable woman, whose friendship I would’ve considered a high honor. Shall I go on, Colonel?

COLONEL H.P. LATHROP
Yes. Go on, Mr. Paladin.

PALADIN
Well, Gloria Morgan saved enough money to go to San Francisco and study nursing. Naturally, she was worried that her past would come up, and spoil her new life. So she borrowed a name. She borrowed it from the privately printed family history of a friend. And under that name, she met, fell in love with, and married a man. And, for a while, they were quite happy.

MARTHA LATHROP
And then, Mr. Paladin?

PALADIN
And then, recently, someone sent her husband a poison pen letter, exposing her past in the worst possible light. Out of hurt and arrogant pride, he decided to punish her, by getting a third party to confront her with proof of her identity in his presence.

COLONEL H.P. LATHROP
That’s quite enough, sir.

PALADIN
The scheme was unworthy of the man, Colonel. If he’d gone to his wife in any reasonable manner, she would’ve told him anything he wanted to know.

MARTHA LATHROP
Oh, I’m sure she would’ve. Mr. Paladin, my husband paid you to make a report. Why don’t you make it?

PALADIN
Oh, that’s right. You want to know the present whereabouts of Gloria Morgan, don’t you, Colonel?

COLONEL H.P. LATHROP
No, I don’t.

PALADIN
Well, it’s just as well- the Gloria Morgan of boom town days is dead. She lives only in the memory of those who loved her. You believe that, Colonel?

COLONEL H.P. LATHROP
Yes, I believe it.

TUOLUMNE O’TOOLE
Mr. Paladin? I promise I’ll never try to kill you again, as long as I live.

PALADIN
And don’t you ever try to lie to me again, either. Now, what did Mrs. Lathrop ever do to deserve such loyalty from you?

TUOLUMNE O’TOOLE
Oh, I was born in Lodestar. When I was 14, I took a job in the saloon where Gloria Morgan was working.

PALADIN
And?

TUOLUMNE O’TOOLE
She took me to her home and spanked me so hard I couldn’t sit down for a week.

PALADIN
And now I suppose there’s a young man.

TUOLUMNE O’TOOLE
Little Pablo’s big brother. But you’re the only man who’s ever kissed me.

PALADIN
Oh, Tuolumne, I’m terribly sorry. That first kiss belonged to little Pablo’s big brother.

TUOLUMNE O’TOOLE
He won’t mind. As long as I save the third one for him.

PALADIN
The third one?

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