107-“An International Affair”

Have Gun – Will Travel: Season 3, Episode 29

An International Affair (2 Apr. 1960)

Princess Mapuana pays Paladin to keep safe a gift – a signet ring from her royal family to our president. But someone is killing off those involved.

Director: James Neilson, Writers: Shimon Wincelberg, Anita Wincelberg

Ziva Rodann as Princess Mapuana, Henry Corden as Prince Alexei Romanov, Oscar Beregi Jr. as Professor Jurgen Von Hengst, Harold Innocent as Wilfred Gateshead, David Janti as Prince Kimo, Fintan Meyler as Pegeen Shannon, Olan Soule as Hotel Carlton Manager Cartwright

PROF. JURGEN VON HENGST HOTEL CARLTON MANAGER CARTWRIGHT

WILFRED GATESHEAD

Trivia: This is the only episode of the series in which the events occur entirely within Paladin’s room (#314) at the Hotel Carlton. Henry Cordon, who played the Monkees landlord and was the second voice of Fred Flintstone

Goofs: Princess Mapuana is the name in production. Princess Molokai is in credits.

INT. HOTEL CARLETON LOBBY -NIGHT

Outside it is raining with thunder and lightening.  Inside it is warm and pleasant.

HEY BOY
Mr. Paladin.

PALADIN
Hey boy, that’s beautiful. Where’s the wine?

HEY BOY
All chilled. I bring it up after I set the table. The chef say wild duck just arrive. In oven now.

PALADIN
Fine. This plan is just about as good as a man can make it. All is now up to the lady.

PRINCE ALEXEI ROMANOV
To begin: The snow and ice of the Russian tundra would melt with your beauty.

PEGEEN SHANNON
oh!

PRINCE ALEXEI ROMANOV
Take a letter. Devise with right pen. “whole volumes to speak of, pegeen. “what is she that all our swains commend her? Wholly fair and wise is she.”

PEGEEN SHANNON
You go too fast, prince.

PRINCE ALEXEI ROMANOV
Oh, I forget. The hand is slower than the heart.

PEGEEN SHANNON
Oh, paladin. Prince alexei romanov. mr. Paladin.

PALADIN
I don’t place the face, prince, But the literary style is familiar.

PRINCE ALEXEI ROMANOV
Of course. Shakespeare. When I write a love letter, I write nothing but the best.
Now where were we?

PALADIN
Love’s labour lost.

PEGEEN SHANNON
As you can see, I’m busy, Paladin. As for dinner…

PRINCE ALEXEI ROMANOV
I will be busy for the next few weeks, dictating the longest, most passionate, most marvelous love letter in the whole history of mankind.

PALADIN
Well, far be it for me to interfere with great literature. Excuse me.

PRINCE ALEXEI ROMANOV
“Now is the winter of our discontent…Made glorious summer by Pegeen.”

PALADIN
Hey boy, send my dinner up.

HEY BOY
“waste not, want not.”

PRINCESS MAPUANA
Where is he?

PALADIN
Who? Did you see who threw the knife?

PRINCESS MAPUANA
No.

PALADIN
Do you want me to take you to the police?

PRINCESS MAPUANA
But that is why I tried to see you. The police must not know.

PALADIN
Why?

PRINCESS MAPUANA
It would create the most horrible scandal between your country
and mine.

PALADIN
You sure you don’t know who threw the knife?

PRINCESS MAPUANA
Prince kimo, my stepbrother. Ever since I landed in this country, He’s been trying to stop me.

PALADIN
Prince kimo, your stepbrother? You are a princess?

PRINCESS MAPUANA
Do you doubt it?

PALADIN
A princess of what?

PRINCESS MAPUANA
I am princess mapuana from the sandwich islands of which my uncle is king.
Better known to you, perhaps, as hawaii.

PALADIN
Princess mapuana of the sandwich islands.

Paladin is doubting as he consults his personal library of books.  He selects a particular volume from the bookshelf.

“History of the Sandwich Islands.” Aha.

We see a photograph on a page in the book with the caption: “PRINCESS MAPUANA, Born 1859 –”

PRINCESS MAPUANA
I was an ugly child.

PALADIN
Well, this must’ve been done a long time ago.

PRINCESS MAPUANA
You would not think of me as a child, would you?

PALADIN
No. No. No.

PRINCESS MAPUANA
My uncle send me with a gift to the king of your country.

PALADIN
The, uh, President?

PRINCESS MAPUANA
King president. That is his name.

PALADIN
What kind of a gift?

PRINCESS MAPUANA
Signet ring…From our royal family.

PALADIN
I’m sure our king president will be very pleased with it.

PRINCESS MAPUANA
It’s not the ring that matters. It’s the meaning that it holds.

PALADIN
Oh?

PRINCESS MAPUANA
It speaks with the voice of my uncle. It says, “Come. Bring your war boats and be our father.”

PALADIN
And prince Kimo has other ideas.

PRINCESS MAPUANA
Prince is a fool. He wants the throne for himself.

PALADIN
And you don’t.

PRINCESS MAPUANA
I love your country. Other foreigners come to us with foes, with treachery. You people come to us with money to trade.

PALADIN
And what may I do for you?

PRINCESS MAPUANA
Keep this ring for me. Protect it with your life. Until I ask it back. I will pay you well.

PALADIN
Those are lovely. It’s an excellent likeness of your aunt liliuokalani. Printed in sweden,
weren’t they? I don’t believe they’ll get you very far in this country.

PRINCESS MAPUANA
You refuse to help me in my great danger?

PALADIN
Princess, you say your brother threw this knife at you.

PRINCESS MAPUANA
No one else would have the reason to.

PALADIN
For your brother to have thrown the knife So that it would enter at this angle, He would have to have been standing on the ceiling. Princess, I think that…That is how the knife entered the door.

PRINCESS MAPUANA
Then you refuse to help me?

PALADIN
No. No. No. No. Let us say, rather, I prefer not to do business With someone I can’t turn my back on.

INT. PALADIN’S HOTEL ROOM – EVENING

Hey Boy is showing Paladin his special dinner for the evening.

HEY BOY
“piece resisisan.”

PALADIN
Mmm.

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00:08:18,563 –> 00:08:21,532
Duck with wild rice.

PRINCE KIMO
I’ll take that tray.

PALADIN
Certainly.

PRINCE KIMO
Go.

PALADIN
It’s all right, hey boy.

PRINCE KIMO
And close the door. The ring, please.

PALADIN
This would be prince Kimo. Your sister seems to have made a remarkably accurate
estimate of your character.

PRINCE KIMO
What did she say?

PALADIN
That you were trying to steal the ring.

PRINCE KIMO
You will believe her. She’s beautiful. How can I convince you? The ring is mine to deliver to your president.

PALADIN
Why would she try to steal it from you?

PRINCE KIMO
She was told to by a man who claims to love her. Would be kind to her as long as she’s helpful to him. And then…

PALADIN
Why would she give it to me?

PRINCE KIMO
That’s what I hoped
you could explain.

PALADIN
And her lover?

PRINCE KIMO
Would you like to meet him?

PALADIN
Yes.

PRINCE KIMO
Come. He is…

Falls down dead with a poisoned needle in his shoulder. Paladin runs down the hallway looking for answers. He stops at room number 310.

PALADIN
Sir, you haven’t seen anybody
running by here, have you?

WILFRED GATESHEAD
Sir, I was sound asleep.

PALADIN
You always sleep with your shoes on?

WILFRED GATESHEAD
Quite.

Paladin sneaks up behind Hey Boy who is holding a meat cleaver.

PALADIN
Hey boy. Will you return this to the kitchen And call the manager, please.

HOTEL CARLTON MANAGER CARTWRIGHT
I’ve sent someone for the police, But I don’t have much hope they’ll turn up before morning. I understand there’s another riot at the barbary coast.

PALADIN
I guess I’d better have another talk with the princess. What’s her room number?

HOTEL CARLTON MANAGER CARTWRIGHT
There’s a princess in my hotel?

PALADIN
Princess mapuana.

HOTEL CARLTON MANAGER CARTWRIGHT
No. No one by that name is registered with us.

PALADIN
No? Hey boy, have you seen any polynesian ladies Around the hotel today?

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00:12:06,975 –> 00:12:12,396
If a lady attractive, I think you will see her before me.

PALADIN
Ha-ha-ha.

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00:12:16,718 –> 00:12:19,587
What does this princess have to do with it?

PALADIN
The late prince kimo was her stepbrother. She said he was trying to murder her for this ring. She was obviously lying.

manager
Maybe, I’d better keep it in the safe till the police come.

PALADIN
There’s not much point in having a trap if we hide the bait, Is there?

PRINCE ALEXEI ROMANOV
Nobody strikes a romanov! $5,000 my friend, and I don’t mean shakespeare either.

PALADIN
For what?

PRINCE ALEXEI ROMANOV
You don’t understand? The ring. Isn’t everybody after the ring?

PALADIN
I’m listening.

PRINCE ALEXEI ROMANOV
In petersburg, those bureaucrats think if England, america, and prussia All want the sandwich islands, it must be worth having.

PALADIN
Worth having enough to kill for?

PRINCE ALEXEI ROMANOV
Kill? Who said anything about killing? I don’t even eat meat.

PALADIN
Prince, the ring is not for sale. Now what?

PRINCE ALEXEI ROMANOV
You won’t sell it? Why don’t you say this immediately? Our father the tsar, he tells me to try. So I try. Nobody says I have to succeed.

PALADIN
You don’t want the sandwich islands.

PRINCE ALEXEI ROMANOV
For what? I have an appointment with pegeen.

PALADIN
The russians and the prussians And the english…And his aunts. his sisters and his cousins whom he reckons up by dozens his sisters and his cousins and his aunts
PROF. JURGEN VON HENGST
Good evening.

PALADIN
You do want to see me?

PROF. JURGEN VON HENGST
May I come in?

PALADIN
By all means. I like a man who speaks his mind once I know who he is.

PROF. JURGEN VON HENGST
Jorgen von hengst, Professor of military science, university of kiel. At present, naval attaché to prince kimo. The late prince kimo. And you?

card

PROF. JURGEN VON HENGST
You were present when she murdered him.

PALADIN
Sit down. She?

PROF. JURGEN VON HENGST
The princess. Who else? Vain little fool with her visions of london society.

PALADIN
What has london society to do with this?

PROF. JURGEN VON HENGST
It rules the world. But not for much longer.

PALADIN
Well, now, you didn’t come to talk to me about empire and world politics at this hour?

PROF. JURGEN VON HENGST
Perhaps it is too late to discuss politics. What do you intend to do about the ring? Return it to her?

PALADIN
If she can prove
she has a right to it.

PROF. JURGEN VON HENGST
And if not?

PALADIN
Then I may consider sending it To the president of the United States myself.

PROF. JURGEN VON HENGST
You will please give me the ring. Or I shall pin you against that chair like a butterfly.

PALADIN
I beg your pardon. And now, sir, You put the ring back on the table.

HEY BOY
Mr. Paladin, the police is…

PROF. JURGEN VON HENGST
Mr. Paladin, I advise you not to follow us into the hall.

HEY BOY
Mr. Paladin!

HEY BOY
The police.

PALADIN
Well…
What about the police?

HEY BOY
They busy. Can’t come till morning. Maybe 9:00…

MAN SCREAMING IN AGONY
Ahh!

PALADIN
Hey Boy Get the ring. It’s on the table.

HEY BOY
Excuse me.

WILFRED GATESHEAD

What’s that you’ve got there?

HEY BOY
A ring. Very valuable.

WILFRED GATESHEAD
Oh? Would you mind
if I had a look at it?

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00:18:23,835 –> 00:18:25,318
No.

PALADIN
hey boy!

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00:18:25,386 –> 00:18:27,387
Excuse me.

INT. HOTEL LOBBY – MORNING

HOTEL CARLTON MANAGER CARTWRIGHT
Here. Put that in the safe with the other one.

ASSISTANT MANAGER
Yes, sir.

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00:18:43,504 –> 00:18:44,938
Let’s see your register.

228
00:18:51,446 –> 00:18:55,532
Do you have some idea of who it might be?

229
00:18:55,600 –> 00:18:56,600
Who?

PALADIN
I’ll need proof. Will you help me?

HEY BOY
Command me.

PALADIN
Is the dining room open?

HOTEL CARLTON MANAGER CARTWRIGHT
Yes, but you’d be the only person. It’d be easy for somebody to pick you off with that confounded blowgun.

PALADIN
Hey boy, ask the chef if he has any more of that grilled swordfish. Oh, hey boy. Get me a bottle of Byrne Castler Doctoran. Put it in the silver ice bucket.

HEY BOY
Silver ice bucket?

PALADIN
That’s right. And polish the bucket till it shines like a mirror.

HEY BOY
Like a mirror?

PALADIN
Mm-hmm.

HEY BOY
Yes, mr. Paladin. Like a mirror.

INT. PALADIN’S HOTEL ROOM

PALADIN
Now, hey boy, will you go back by the drapes, please? There now. Yeah. That’s fine.

HEY BOY
Very clever.

PALADIN
Thank you hey boy Now, if you will take this…And stand over there and watch. And if you see anyone coming, drop this.

HEY BOY
But hard to replace.

PALADIN
So is your life, hey boy.

HEY BOY
Thank you very much.

HOTEL CARLTON MANAGER CARTWRIGHT
Madam, I am sorry. The dining room is closed.

PRINCESS MAPUANA
I am princess mapuana.

PALADIN
It’s quite all right.

PRINCESS MAPUANA
May I join you?

PALADIN
By all means.

PRINCESS MAPUANA
I owe you an explanation, don’t I?

PALADIN
I would say you do. There’s still maybe time To save a few lives in this hotel.

PRINCESS MAPUANA
There was this man. He said he loved me. The truth is, he was after the ring. I’ve been a fool. Now I… I have only you to turn to.

PALADIN
Tell me his name.

PRINCESS MAPUANA
Oh, mr. Paladin, I am all alone in a strange country. I’m lonely… And afraid.

HOTEL CARLTON MANAGER CARTWRIGHT
But, your highness, I explained to you, the dining room is closed.

PRINCE ALEXEI ROMANOV
Thank you. you didn’t tell me you were having a party.

Pegeen
Hey boy.

HEY BOY
Pegeen.

PALADIN
Wilfred gateshead, huh? Passport from chosin, one from russia, One from hungary, and one from germany.

PRINCESS MAPUANA
Not even english at all.

PRINCE ALEXEI ROMANOV
A citizen of the world.

PALADIN
And a murderer. He tried to kill me.

PRINCE ALEXEI ROMANOV
With such a child’s toy?

PALADIN
Mm-hmm. Princess, I am terribly sorry. I know you’ll realize it was self-defense.

PRINCESS MAPUANA
Well, of course, anyone would have done the same. Who is he?

PALADIN
I beg your pardon. Prince Alexei Romanov. Princess Mapuana of the Sandwich Islands.

PRINCE ALEXEI ROMANOV
Petersburg did not tell me that cannibals are gorgeous.

PRINCESS MAPUANA
Mr. Paladin, Could I have the ring back for the king president?

PALADIN
Princess, I don’t think so. Alexei, why don’t you take the ring.

PRINCE ALEXEI ROMANOV
Not on your life. You take the islands.

PALADIN
That’s a fair exchange. I’ll take the islands and you take the princess.

PRINCESS MAPUANA
I would be exiled from home.

PALADIN
Have you seen paris?

PRINCE ALEXEI ROMANOV
Not see paris? I will remedy that situation. Paladin, farewell. I am off to a wonderful exile to paris. Come, dear. I have a wonderful future all planned for you.

PRINCESS MAPUANA
What?

PALADIN
Ha-ha-ha. “whole volumes spoke of her. wholly fair and wise was she, pegeen. Pegeen, pegeen, good night.” Thank you, hey boy.

HEY BOY
Maybe you will send ring to president now?

PALADIN
Hey boy, you may rest assured.

HEY BOY
You know, uh, mr. Paladin?

PALADIN
Hmm?

HEY BOY
That would make hawaii the 39th state in the union.

PALADIN
In the union, huh?