202-“Shootout at Hogtooth”

Season 6, Episode 9 – Original Airdate:  (November 10, 1962)

<= 201 – “The Predators == A Miracle for St. Francis” – 203 =>

Town politicians hired three gunmen to clean up their town only to find out that the cure was worse than the disease.  Now they’ve come to Paladin.

Directed by Andrew V. McLaglen, Written by Herb Meadow.

PATRICK MCVEY as Clanahan
STEVE PECK as Claude Chapineau
LES DAMON as Tilbury
CHRISTOPHER KING as Kid Morrissey
(Bob Wire, 1963) as Dane.
HAL BAYLOR as Floyd Perrin
(Bob Wire, 1963) as Tagg
(The Prize Fight Story, 1958) as Bryan Sykes.
DOODLES WEAVER as Hildreth
RALPH BARNARD as Partridge
SYL LAMONT as Barkeep

INT. HOTEL CARLTON – PALADIN’S HOTEL SUITE – EVENING

HEY BOY
“Fear Take Over Hogtooth. City Father Hire Too Many Guns. The fact regarding the situation…”

PALADIN
Well, Hey Boy. If the city fathers of Hogtooth have hired three gunmen to bring them peace and law and order, they will surely need one more gunman to drive the first three out.

EXT. HOGTOOTH – DAY

H
Give us another drink, eh?

BARKEEP
Gents, I ain’t been getting much coffee lately and I’ve been…Yes, sir.

INT. MAYOR’S HOUSE

TOP HAT
The great and glorious Fourth of July. Instead of firecrackers, we got that.

FOP
Tell them to move on, Mr. Paladin. They’re worse than the troublemakers they scared away.

CLANAHAN
You hired them to bring their guns here.
Did you not, you blockhead?

M
Clanahan, you never was elected to this here council. What for are you butting in?

C
Each one, in secret, hires his own gunfighter, and suddenly, we have three in town.
Well, this man will not be paid out of taxes. Hire him if you’re fools enough to wish another gunfighter here. But you pay for him yourselves.

WS
Every community has at least one man who is always against the decisions of authority.

PALADIN
Well, what’s an Irishman without a cause?

C
Or a cause without an Irishman? Well, now, you’re-you’re an intelligent man.

BH
Sure, sure, never mind the posies… listen! We got three gunmen living royal on the town, taking what they want!

M2
Usually, the streets are filled with parades and people. I’ve got $150 worth of fireworks in my store and nobody to buy them.

WS
Last Independence Day, my bank presented a flag to every child whose parents opened a new account. They wouldn’t come to the bank now for a fife and drum.

C
This man will not be paid out of Hogtooth money. Oh, no offense to you personally.

M2
Then with our money…I’ll put up a third.

BH
You’ll what?

M2
Oh, well, it’s cheaper than giving them Hogtooth.

PALADIN
Gentlemen, if your employees run true to form, next they will want land, livestock and your businesses. And the more I think about it, the more I think I should raise my fee.

M2
Never mind, you’re hired.

BH
That’s right. You’re our man, Paladin. Now, let me give you a little advice. Sneak up on them and get them fast.

C
As you can see, Mr. Paladin, you’re dealing with high-minded men.

M2
Well, there’s three against one.

BH
Uh, another thing: The first fella to get is Perrin.

M2
Morrissey.

BK
Chapineau, uh…

PALADIN
Well, when you gentlemen regret past actions, you do try to clean the boards.

BK
We’re 100% behind you, Mr. Paladin. Go get ’em.

PALADIN
Get rid of them, that’s the bargain.

BK
Well, uh, by whatever means you’re forced to employ. Gentlemen.

KID MORRISSEY
Well, maybe I’ll start me a little ranch.
You know anybody’s got a little ranch I might like?

BARKEEP
A ranch, um…

CLAUDE CHAPINEAU
Ah, no ranch for me. Always I’ve think to be a businessman. In my family, the first. Unfortunately, in the past, it has always been a lack of capital.

KID MORRISSEY
Well, there’s a big reward out for me in Arkansas. To who can collect it.

CLAUDE CHAPINEAU
You are not happy, monsieur, when you do not fight.

KID MORRISSEY
If it makes me happy, I reckon that’s the way I like it.
You telling me what I ought to like?

CLAUDE CHAPINEAU
Why should we fight each other? Whoever wins is afterwards alone.
Together, we possess the town.

INT. PALADIN’S HOTEL ROOM

PALADIN
It’s open.

BH
Mr. Paladin, uh…Like I said to you a few minutes ago, I’d appreciate it if you make sure of Floyd Perrin. He’s the biggest one and he’s real tough. Know what I mean?

PALADIN
Floyd Perrin, he’s the one you hired.

BH
You get him first, might be a future for you in Hogtooth. Cattlemen can holler all they want. This is all gonna be farmland someday. And the man who gets in on the ground floor…You stick with me, Paladin, you’ll be well took care of.

EXT. TOWN STREET

M
Mr. Paladin…they’re in the saloon. Mr. Paladin…the dangerous one is the man from New Orleans, Claude Chapineau. Tend to him first.

PALADIN
And if I do?

M
Well, we may talk about other things then.
You strike me as a good businessman.
Hogtooth needs good businessmen.

PALADIN
Yes, sir…it certainly does.

M2
l-l-ls something wrong?

PALADIN
No. No, I just wanted to be sure that you agreed with me that Kid Morrissey is the first one I should annihilate.

M2
You think you can do that?

PALADIN
Well, that depends.

M2
You come and see me afterward.
See me first.

113
00:08:58,518 –> 00:09:00,509
Mr. Paladin.

C
Paladin, you’re not a sensible man. ‘Tis a glorious Fourth of July, Independence Day… a reminder of fine and wonderful things to be dying for.

PALADIN
Clanahan, you don’t like the citizen’s committee.

C
Could you be liking men that lend money only to them that surely cannot repay?

PALADIN
Well, it’s one way to finally end up owning a whole town.

C
You’re moving to the wrong battle, Paladin.

PALADIN
The real rogues are standing behind ye. The rogues with the guns are the ones I was hired to move out.

C
You’ll not last ten seconds. Ah, ’tis the excellent one I am to be flapping with the talkative tongue. I’ve spoken many a beautiful phrase upholding the flag and the sacred Constitution, but… do I say I’ll be going in there with thee, to make a lovely donnybrook of it? I do not.

PALADIN
Clanahan…with the aid of your clattering tongue, and perhaps a little diversionary action, it’s possible that no one will die this fine day at all, at all.

PALADIN
I’d like a good assortment.

M2
Fireworks? What about the gun?

PALADIN
And a fine, slow-burning cigar.

M2
Slow-burning cigar.

CLAUDE CHAPINEAU
So it is dull. We can change that, make it exciting. Make it into what we want. Make it ours. We could open a casino. Bring in girls.

FLOYD PERRIN
Man, I never figured I’d own me a whole town.

BARKEEP
Gents, I ain’t been getting much coffee lately, and I, I think I’d better…

KID MORRISSEY
Shut up. This ain’t no drink for celebrating.

KID MORRISSEY (O.S.)
Bring me something that bites back!

CLAUDE CHAPINEAU
A noise most atrocious, Monsieur.

PALADIN
Well, now what’s a Fourth of July without fireworks?

FLOYD PERRIN
Hey, let me try one.

PALADIN
In the box.

PALADIN
Try it. Sounds just like a.45, doesn’t it?

KID MORRISSEY
No, more like a.38. That’s a.45.

CLAUDE CHAPINEAU
Monsieur, why do I have the feeling you’re not here by accident?

PALADIN
Because, Monsieur Chapineau, you are not a fool.

CLAUDE CHAPINEAU
-You have business with me?

PALADIN
With all of you.

CLAUDE CHAPINEAU
You will state your business inside, monsieur.

FLOYD PERRIN
I don’t trust a man that don’t pack a gun. Means some kind of skull work.

PALADIN
Well, I thought this way, we could, uh, talk before there was any shooting.

CLAUDE CHAPINEAU
Oh, we will talk, monsieur…

PALADIN
Paladin.

CLAUDE CHAPINEAU
Oh. And me, you somehow know. This is Monsieur Perrin and young Monsieur Morrissey.

KID MORRISSEY
You heard of me? Kid Morrissey.

CLAUDE CHAPINEAU
Paladin. San Francisco, of course. Yes. One hears of one’s colleague, eh? Monsieur, this one, oh, he’s a fighter. But he is one of us.

KID MORRISSEY
I never heard of him.

CLAUDE CHAPINEAU
There is still champagne, Monsieur Paladin. We will drink and listen to your business.
The champagne.

PALADIN
Gentlemen…in ancient days, the city of Jerusalem couldn’t settle its own quarrels. So they called in the Romans and asked them to arbitrate the quarrels and police the city. And the result was that the, uh, Romans became their masters and Jerusalem never recovered.

FLOYD PERRIN
I still don’t trust a man that don’t carry a gun.

PALADIN
Now, in order to make this a real Independence Day, the citizens of Hogtooth would like their Romans to leave.

CLAUDE CHAPINEAU
You need some champagne, Monsieur Paladin. Come on, champagne, yeah. Come on, champagne, huh? Drink, drink, drink.

BARKEEP
And, uh, I’ll get my cup of coffee.

CLAUDE CHAPINEAU
You have a pain, Monsieur Paladin?

PALADIN
Oh, in a manner of speaking, yes.

CLAUDE CHAPINEAU
So, those who employed us no longer admire us, eh? Monsieur, I’m desolate. True, this is not a fine city, and there are no charming ladies, yet… I cannot possibly leave as you so subtly suggest.

KID MORRISSEY
Why don’t you get out of here, Mr. Paladin, and don’t come back without a gun.

FLOYD PERRIN
There’s something wrong about a man that don’t carry a gun.

PALADIN
Well, I had hoped that, uh, we could talk first.

CLAUDE CHAPINEAU
And fight later? Is that the way you fight Romans, monsieur?
Morrissey, perhaps he would now prefer to have a pistol?

KID MORRISSEY
Now my turn. Whenever you’re ready.

[]

KID MORRISSEY
Come on, Paladin.

CLAUDE CHAPINEAU
Come on, Monsieur Paladin. Young Morrissey is waiting.

bh
– He done it! – He did it! Everybody, he done it! Fellow citizens, gather around! I have something to say to you. Fellow citizens, I want you to know you’re looking at a man. I want you to know that, as a judge of character, I’m for keeping him here. Let’s put a badge on this here man, so he’ll keep Hogtooth as clean…

PALADIN
Is there a doctor in this place?

d
Here I am! What can I do for you?

PALADIN
In the saloon, Doctor. Now, let me see…you wanted me to kill Perrin first.

bh
Well, I-I didn’t exactly…

PALADIN
You offered me a bonus to kill him first.

bh
What’s the matter with you?

PALADIN
You had a deal with Perrin before you ever brought him into this town. The same deal that the other two made with their hired assassins. Each of you was gonna bring a killer into this town to clean it up. Then the man was gonna stay on as your personal enforcer.

bh
Whoa, now just a minute there. What kind of scandal is this that’s being laid on the town’s top counsel? Partridge. Talk up, man! How are you gonna prove any of that with all of them dead?

FLOYD PERRIN
That’s my gun you’ve got, Paladin.

PALADIN
Well, now…shall I give it to him?

bh
Now, you…you-you-you can’t scare me. What he said ain’t true.
Don’t. Don’t do it, F-Floyd. I would’ve kept my word to you. Honest, I would…

FLOYD PERRIN
Ah, shut up.

PALADIN
You’re moving on now, Floyd.

FLOYD PERRIN
No hard feelings?

PALADIN
Not toward you. Now, Kid Morrissey has a broken arm, but his memory’s in very good shape. Chapineau will survive, and you two owe me a bonus.

bk
I’m a responsible banker. If anyone wishes to question me, question my motives…

c
We’ll have some questions, my slippery one.

bk
Any such person is sincerely invited to visit me at my bank.
At my…regular hours.

c
Paladin… ’tis ever the same. When the thunder and lightning is done, ’tis the vultures who emerge from their holes dry and unruffled.

PALADIN
Well, Clanahan, would you like to see some feathers fly?

c
Aye.

PALADIN
I haven’t been paid yet. Come along. Tilbury! Hildreth1 Partridge! I’m gonna count three, and I want you people right here in front of me! If I have to go get my gun, you won’t like the end result. One! Two! Three!

st
Here I am, Mr. Paladin.

bk
I hear you, Mr. Paladin.

bh
Please, Mr. Paladin, I-I…

PALADIN
Gentlemen.

c
Paladin…make the buzzards pay out of their own pockets.
Ah, it’s gonna be a glorious Fourth of July, after all.

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